Personal Ecology :: Creative Writing Essays

ad hominem Ecology A deep desire to cry. The hanging, haunting chant of Gordon Comes at Night, waves of sweat crystallizing on the skin, loosened joints, unfolded from the lodge into the cold dark air. Wiped clean, nothing to say. Reach inside for a voice, a meaning, the distance amid the earth and the moon in its fullness. Which orbits which? For a year I sit in the only seat that was not part of the circle. Me is still a long way off. Each stanza seems a step in a different direction. For predictive value I wear my lapis necklace, just now Blackfeet-blessed. Gil will become a soulmate but for the time being he is just in that respect. The one I adore I send word provided speak to, can barely reach, although he is the nexus of my system. Letting go is a skill. But for all the growth, movement, experiencefor all that, I learn, there is loss. Dances and costumes and heart-pounding drumbeats of the powwow hold the mind in temporary suspense. Men of the tribal council give a way blankets, toys, dollar bills, scarcely affordable tokens of an amicable nature. I am at peace, but I feel raw, the agony of a first love and an ideal whose flaws I can never know. in that respect is garbage everywhere on the reservation, but people leave an go of tobacco when they pick sage or sweetgrassa love and a hate of the land where I expected only love. I knit refuse wherever I go because work is the only authentic way to avoid long awkward pauses. This fear perchance it is inherited, perhaps it just rubbed off on me, but it is a legacy of my mother. reveal is earned, the awe of an eagle feather pressed into the hands, the return for the playground we build. Gil deeds just as hard and so we work side by side, joined in this practice of leaving a ledger behind. corporation has many meanings. Even now I know that the tangible beauty, the real friendship, will come later, when words can supplant presence. But I am still here, you know, extracting something and leavi ng something behind. If I rub my necklace I can sense the continuity with no center.Practice of leaving a record behind The possibility of a recipe. Our Ahtna friends cook a feast of clear salmon and banok, fry bread.